Breaking Twilight
by KaylinNeya
Summary: Edward was……… No, he couldn’t be. It was all simply a very horribly, vivid nightmare that I would wait to wake from' T rating just in case.
1. Chapter 1

**Chapter 1**

**Author Note**: Okay so this may be a rather controversial fanfic. I was re-reading Eclipse by the wonderful Stephanie Meyer the other day, neared the end and decided that I wanted to know what would have happen if Bella had chosen Jacob. Therefore I decided to write it myself. Please don't hate me, I love Edward but then I like Jacob too. Please read and review at the end to let me know that you think. If you like it I'll carry on but I need your feed back PLEASE!

I hope you don't find it too distressing! 

SM

**Disclaimer: I don't own the characters or the beginning extract in italics. **

_Beginning extract taken from 'Eclipse' by Stephanie Meyer at the fight between Edward and Victoria towards the end._

'_Though she spared Riley no farewell glance, Victoria seemed to realise that she was on her own. She began to back away from Edward, frenzied disappointment, blazing in her eyes. She threw me one short, agonized stare of longing, and then she started to retreat faster._

"_No," Edward crooned, his voice seductive. "Stay just a little longer."_

_She wheeled and flew towards the refuge of the forest like and arrow from a bow._

_But Edward was faster - a bullet from a gun. _

_He caught her unprotected back at the edge of the trees and, with one last, simple step, the dance was over.'_

Or so I thought. I all happen so fast, I want quite sure I was aware of what went on. The burning sensation of my own blood pouring out of my arm was not enough to keep my eyes away from the combat. I was only just able to tell which vampire was which as both entities moved to fast to track any progress made. Victoria had wheeled around and continued to dance, now even keener to edge as close as she could in my direction. The only difference I could spot was the flickering fire surrounding Victoria's perfect face. 

Had I blinked, I was sure I would have missed the move. Even as my body shivered where I stood, I was unable to run or even take my eyes off the two vampires. I saw the whole, earth destroying scene play out right in front of my eyes. The end was inevitably drawing near, although neither Edward nor Victoria appeared to have the upper hand. Too concerned for my welfare instead of his own life, Edward shot me a quick, reassuring glance. I would be the last face of love he would see. Although Edward had lasted this far by pre-empting Victoria's moves; this small, single lapse in concentration switched an invisible light on in Victoria's head. She was completely taken over by instincts, more then I thought possible. It seemed that although vampires gave parts of themselves over to their natural instincts in order to fight to any real degree, it had seemed that they both kept an edge of control that reminded them of the intentions and the reasoning behind it. Victoria's sudden release of everything meant she reacted quicker then thinking, almost to fast for Edward to 'hear' her. Her arm swung out, aiming right for Edward's throat. He, only just quick enough to react instead of defending himself, did exactly the same thing.

Time suddenly slowed. I was unprepared for the abrupt halt and I nearly faltered, only just holding my arm out in time to stop myself from collapsing to the ground. What I saw, I never would have believed possible had I not witnessed it myself.

Victoria and Edward's arms swung out slowly towards each others vulnerable throats. They hit their marks at exactly the same time and the force of both blows cracked my entire world in two. Edward's arm hacked straight through Victoria's neck; the sound almost unbearable had me wincing with physical pain. Victoria's baby face, with her swirling red hair, fell silently to the soft earth. It was followed by the soft thump of another head. Next to fall were the limp, lifeless bodies of both mythical nightmares, one being my personal heaven. 

I lost control of my limbs. Even though previously locked in place by shear terror at the scene in front of me, I know mimicked the other bodies and fell limply to ground. 

"Edward!" My voice was barely a whisper. The world began to shake and blur as if it too wracked and trembled with sobs like my own, fragile bones. 

Edward was……… No, he couldn't be. It was all simply a very horribly, vivid nightmare that I would wait to wake from. He promised he would never leave me again so when I woke, I would be locked there, in his ice-hard arms. I would look up to meet his adoring gaze and he would speak softly and comfortingly; life would go on as normal, what ever that was. 

"EDWARD!" I screamed at the top of my lungs, forcing the sound out so it burned my throat with acid. I blinked furiously several times to clear my vision but wished I hadn't. Both the bodies of Victoria and Edward lay twitching, arms grasping out at anything, neither having peace even in death. 

I felt my stomach contract and I only just leaned over in time to avoid the worst of my vomit. I urged and coughed, acid spilling from my lips, burning my insides. The salty tears seared in my eyes and I felt like scratching them out. I dragged myself a few feet away and collapsed on the dank earth. I lay on my back, my limbs askew revolting against the uncomfortable position but not quite loud enough to numb the other pains in my mind. The hole that had disappeared as soon as Edward had come back tore open, shredding my organs, and my breathing became laboured. I didn't even attempt to hold myself together. I didn't care if I fell apart, at least it would end my suffering. I stared up at the tree tops which continued to spin and tremble before my eyes until the world went.

Darkness engulfed me. I felt nothing. Not the shaking as I cried or the wind biting at my skin. I heard nothing of the surrounding forest, not even my own breath heaving in and out of my chest. I forgot my own name, where I was or where I came from. I didn't know what I was anymore. I was simply a collection of cells. No mind, conscious feelings, thinking. I had become nothing. I had no beginning, no middle and no end. I felt no emotion, not fear, anguish, happiness or sadness. I didn't know what feelings were. 

Where I was there was no time, noting to measure and nothing to measure it with. Is did nothing but exist. Existed as something I didn't understand but knew it was something real, tangible. 


	2. Chapter 2

**Well hello all. **

**Thanks for the reviews. I was going to put off updating till I got more reviews but I really want to get this chapter over and done with. Plus there are so many new additions to the twilight section that mine will only get lost in them all if i dont keep up with it. = Sorry for the excessive detail but I needed it in to make it a decent Fanfic but it does drag on a little. The next chapter will be better. I hope to add it as soon as I**** finish typing it up.**

**Enjoy!! R&R PLEASE!! (I can take critisism and helpful pointers so let me know what you really think please) =**

"Bella?" this new concept was alien to me. It was sound, a noise. It meant nothing; simply an interruption to my existence but it kept persisting none the less.

"Bella honey, please. I need you, we all need you. You have to come back to us. Please?" total and complete incomprehension was all there was. It kept on though. It was now am almost constant noise that I now accepted and ignored. It changed every now and again. The sound was different. I didn't know what happened to make that change, again I simply accepted it. It was as if the formation of the sounds changed. Sometimes it was really intrusive and loud, other times it was soft and easily ignored. 

With nothing else to do other then exist, I began paying more attention to the noise. Along with the various sound directed at me, there were other noises that were hidden in the background. It was these I paid most attention to as these were that hardest to pick up. Beeps, clatters, metallic sounding clangs, all these things I marvelled at as if they were familiar. These sounds began meaning something. I paid attention to them more and more. All of the noises were important. I began keeping track of them. I measured time with them. For equal lengths of time the noise was there as it wasn't. During the time it was there, it was divided pretty equally between different parts where it sounded different. The beginning of each change over was pretty much the same, the same noises generally making up-

"Hey Bella. We love you, please come back to us," what ever that meant.

But after that it was different each time. I couldn't work out what any of it meant but I didn't care. It gave me something to do; gave my existence structure. I began to wait for the noise when it wasn't there and I listened intently when it was. When the louder sounds weren't there I listened to everything else. Constant sound, however faint or intrusive, became all I existed for. 

After a long time things seemed to slowly click into place in my head. Things made sense. I was Bella. Bella was a name for a human being. The noises were voice; people talking to me, people who knew me. The variations in the sound were the different words that spoke and the different voices of different people. Words, communication all flooded into my mind. 

The other humans had names. They mentioned them sometimes, when they greeted me. There was Charlie, Renee, Angela, Mike, Jacob. 

News concepts such as time and space became additions to my knowledge. Days, with sun, and nights, with the moon, seconds, minutes, months, years they were all measurements of the passing of things. 

After a long of learning new things I became frustrated and bored. These people, my friends and family, came to speak to me but I did nothing back but be there. I wanted to talk, to laugh and cry like they all did when they came to see me. 

I worked out I was in some sort of sleep. For some reason my body had simply shut down and I was in a hospital. 

It was an amazing feeling to be aware. I was self aware. I could feel my own legs, my hands when they were held or touched. I knew about the people around me and marvelled at the simplicity of the situation. 

After one particularly hard day when Renee, my mother, had seemed really upset, I began my personal mission of waking up. She was really sad but would say why for fear of upsetting me. I could hear it in her voice though. 

It was a hard slog, trying to wake my sleeping body. I was frustrated at all the one ended conversations and the feeling of helplessness as the people around me that I loved, hurt and I could tell them I was fine and would be with them soon. My pure will and determination were enough to pull me through though and one night I finally opened my eyes. 

I was hit by a world of colour. Even though the lights were off in my room, it was still much brighter and more colourful then my previous world of darkness. I was in a room on my own, there were windows and a door along one wall and the others were relatively blank. There were blind drawn across the windows but the emergency exit lights were enough to seep through and light my new world. I was lying on a simple hospital bed, placed in the middle of the room. I was surrounded by a variety of different machines that whirred and beeped their way along. I was hooked up at various places to these machines and was relieved to see them all working normally – or what I hoped was normally. 

On one side of me sat two chairs facing my head. There was a small table at the end of my bed and one next to me that held a vase of flowers, a jug of stale water and a plastic cup. The walls were a pale blue. The blankets and sheets I lay between were a variety of creams and blues and were crisp and fresh but not uncomfortable. 

The vase of flowers contained a multitude of different coloured and sized blooms. There were petals of every possible colour, shape and size, and an array of foliage that added a nice touch of decoration. They smelt nice, refreshing in comparison to the stale, sterile smell of my room. 

A rumbling growl erupted from my stomach and I enjoyed the return of such an ordinary feeling such as hunger. 


	3. Chapter 3

**Hey all. Thanyou so much for the feedback. it really is nice to hear so keep it coming!! =**

**Again another chapter that has to be in it so i dont jump ahead to the best bits to quickly! and other then the story line, i dont own anything! that pleasure is all Stephanie's **

**Enjoy!**

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The night passed quickly

The night passed quickly. The outside word became lighter and I began to hear sounds of a new day beginning. Shortly after the arrival of these preparatory sounds, a set of foot steps proceeded down the corridor towards my door. It was opened by a petit blond nurse dressed in a navy blue uniform. She carried in a tray of various items and hummed to herself sweetly as she entered. She headed straight for my bed but did not look up at me until she went to check the machines.

"Gosh! Hello there honey. Well isn't it good to see you awake." She continued to chatter as she checked me over giving me no time at all to respond. I simply smiled and nodded at the right places and let her do her work.

When she seemed satisfied that all was in working order she stopped, looked at me and placed a warm, aged hand on mine

"You gave us all quite a scared young woman. Now; do you know where you are, or what happened?" she asked in a cheery but serious voice. I swallowed a few times and attempted to speak and was pleasantly surprised at how easily it came to me: the formation of words.

"I assume I'm in hospital but I'm not sure why. I can't seem to remember," I hadn't given it much thought before hand but now my forehead creased in painful concentration. There were some things I could remember as clear as day but there seemed to be something missing. Some memory that stretched for quite a while that didn't seem to exist. It was like there was a hole in my memory like someone had simply cut a chunk out.

"You've been in a coma for about 2 months sweetie. You witnessed something very traumatic and now, to save you own sanity, your mind has essentially locked it away. It is something that we cannot tell you, but you much remember it yourself when you are ready to handle it. Now enough about that, I shall go and wake your parents as they will be thrilled to see you awake. While I'm there how about I get you some food, you must feel quite hungry."

With that she left and I didn't see anyone else until Renee walked through the door 20 minutes later.

"Bella! Oh love, how wonderful it is to see you awake," immediately slipping into her maternal role she began fussing; adjusting my covers and pillows, and doing anything else she thought she should.

I watched her with curious eyes. There was sadness in her face, sympathy of some kind that she dare not mention though it seemed to cause her physical pain. I grabbed her had to stop her.

"Mum stop. What is the matter? Why are you so upset? I'm awake now and I'm fine,"

"Oh bells, honey, just know that we're all really sorry. We love you very much…" Charlie had to step in.

"Bells, everyone is here for you. We want to help in any way that we can so all you have to do is ask. It must be so hard for you, and to have watched it happen too…" not Charlie had to stop.

What was the world coming to? Renee sorry about something and Charlie speechless from emotion, something was not right. The nurse couldn't have walked in at a better time.

"She may not remember some things. If what happened was traumatic enough to out her into a coma then chances are it will keep it from her until she is strong enough to deal with it."

This didn't really help my cause that much but at least Charlie and Renee seemed to settle down a little. Both my parents then seemed more interested in filling me in on the things I had missed while I was out. Apparently nothing much had happened but they felt like telling me anyway for the sake of talking. They spoke about my friend Angela and Mike and Eric, all of whom had some to see me at some point. Phil and Renee had been staying over at Charlie's and were helping to redecorate. Charlie had either been her with me, at home decorating or down at La Plush fishing with his friend Billy Black. At he mention of La Plush I perked up.

"How is Jacob?" I asked suddenly really enthusiastic. "Has he been to see me?"

"We had a hard time trying to stop him. He was here every day the first month you were out but then he had to go to school." Charlie chuckled, "He started going on about how he didn't need school anymore but he needed to be here for you when you woke up. Said he had some unfinished business that needed straightening out, if you know what he's on about?" I suddenly went light headed and happy at the thought of Jake needing to see me. I began recalling time when I had heard his voice during the past 2 months, even if I couldn't remember what he had said. Even though I had huge gaps in my memory, Jacob Black kept popping up. Whether it was us on our motorbikes or us simply hanging around at his house, all I had were fun memories of Jake even if he had annoyed me a few times. Then something else cane to me. One of the latest memories I now had was of Jacob and I in a forest, high up a mountain. I remembered my revelation, at the time, that I was in love with him. I remembered him going on at me for weeks about how I was in love with him but just hadn't worked it out, and then finally accepting it up on the mountain. We had kissed, and kissed well. I couldn't understand why this memory was not completely happy, like there had been something that had got in the way, but I didn't remember what it was. It was simply another hole.

I came back to the real world and just caught the end of Renee's sentence.

"… being a Saturday I'm sure Billy will let him come up." I smiled at the prospect of seeing my Jacob and a felt a few butterflies tingle in my stomach.

"Goodness, look at the time we had better be off. You need your rest, look at you, you're barely awake now." Renee kissed and hugged me, promising to send Jake up tomorrow morning, and dragged Charlie out with her, closing the door softly on her way out.

I settled down to sleep but for the first few moments, all I could think about was Jacob. I knew, without a doubt, that I was in love with him, but something told me there was a reason we were not together, and it was an important reason.

"Well," I said quietly to myself, "What ever it was, I can't remember it so to me it doesn't exist. Jacob, I'm not letting you go this time."

With that promise on my lips and the Beautiful face of Jacob Black in my mind, I drifted off into a dreamless sleep.


	4. Chapter 4

**I hope you like this one. It was fun to write but again I will take any ideas or critisms into account so please let me know your opinion. (Dont worry, things wont all be perfect for long else it wouldn't be a very good read! )**

**Enjoy! **

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I woke the next morning, marvelling at the feeling of consciousness

I woke the next morning, marvelling at the feeling of consciousness. I stretched, turned onto my back and opened my eyes. Smiling at the brightness of the day I turned to my left and was so shocked at the sight I nearly screamed.

"Morning Sleeping Beauty," came the beautiful, husky voice that matched that of the huge, rugged teenager I stared at. My smile widened.

"Jake! Its so god to see you," I sat up and could not, for the life of me, wipe the smile from my face. Conscious of the expression on my face I blushed and bit my lip.

"Not as good as it is to hear you. We all really missed you, and that," he motioned at my reddened cheeks, only making them deepen. He smiled.

"So what's it like being alive but dead for 2 months?" he got comfortable, ready for a long story, but leaned forward to lean on the edge of my bed, his face inches from mine.

"Horrible," I said and meant it, "It's when you can hear people but not talk back that's the worst. It's really lonely and very frustrating. Its not living, just existing." I smiled at the nurse who walked in and brought with her a huge plate of food and a couple of drinks. Jacob took one gratefully but never took his eyes off me. The nurse left after unhooking me from the last machine.

"You know, you look awful," he grinned, handed me a nearby mirror, and watched of the rim of his drink. I was really shocked at what I saw. My hair was un-brushed but not too untidy. What caught me off guard was my face. I had deep, purple hollows around my eyes, and all my bones were sticking out. I had never been pudgy, especially not around my face, but there was nothing left of me. I always envied the girls I used to know in Phoenix for their rake like figure, now I was several grades smaller then rake-ish. No wonder I seemed always hungry since I woke up yesterday. I handed the mirror back with an indifferent shrug.

"Well you wouldn't look so perfect if you had been out cold for 2 months." This seemed to please Jacob.

"Oh so I'm perfect, am I?" he smiled. No, he positively beamed. I had no idea why this had made him so happy but it was nice to see him like this. Like the old happy-go-lucky Jake I had first met. I had a strange feeling that although the last time I saw him, we had kissed; I got the feeling we hadn't parted on such good terms.

"Well look at you Jake, I know your supposed to be huge but will you ever stop growing? You looked older then me before all this but now I'm a dwarf to you." I giggled, but his face dropped.

"What do you mean I'm supposed to be huge?" he looked worried and quite confused.

"Well I thought that came with the territory of spontaneously combusting into a oversized wolf?" I kept my voice low but was still cheery. I remembered everything about Jake, and everyone down on the reservation; the whole Pack, the loved ones like Emily and Claire, and anyone else who happed to be in the 'Family'.

"Charlie said you wouldn't remember so I wasn't supposed to remind you."

"What?! Charlie knows about the pack?" I asked, the confused one now.

"No, of course not. But he said you didn't remember Ed… Someone, so you might note remember much of me," he explained.

"Oh. Well I do remember you. I remember everything about you. Granted there are big holes in my memory but anything to do with you and La Plush, I remember. I don't know why," this seemed to please him and he his face curled into that smile again, my smile.

The day passed quickly. I had asked to have bath and get dressed so at lunchtime, while Jacob what to grab something to eat, I got cleaned up. I surprised myself at how weak I was. When Jacob returned, I was dressed and ready for another challenge.

"Do you think I could go for a little walk down the corridor?" I asked him.

"I don't know. Wouldn't you need crutches or a walking aid or something? Your legs are pretty weak." He mused.

"Well not if you helped me. That is if you don't mind helping me?"

With that we were off. Jake supported most of my weight, if not all of it, so I was able to get me legs to move where I wanted them to. Every time my foot didn't do as it was told and I would have tripped, I imagined how hard this would have been without Jake's help. We laughed and joked nearly the whole way there and back. When we returned we both collapsed into a chair and I breathed heavily. It really was difficult to learn to walk again.

"You're looking more human now," he seemed to kick himself for something he said then tried to forget it as I hadn't cottoned on.

The rest of the afternoon sped past and it was soon 8 o'clock. I had ended up dragging Jake with me many times up and down the corridor and even persuaded him to help me tackle the stairs. I wasn't going to stop until I could do everything by myself and the only way I was going to get batter at it was to practice.

"I should get going," he stood, stretched and yawned.

"do you have to?" I whined. I sounded like a little child but I didn't care.

"Yes you need to rest so you can get better quicker. Then, when your at home, I'll come and see you all the time."

He scooped me up effortlessly, bridal style, and laid me out on the bed. My arms, behind his head from him carrying me, locked and I pulled his lips to mine. Without resistance, if a little shock, he kissed me back. His hand ran through my loose hair and then cupped my chin. My finger linked behind his head and I held him fast. It just felt so natural, completely effortless.

After what felt like an eternity, but was only a few seconds, we parted. My breath came out slightly ragged and my mind was a little hazy. As it cleared, I gazed up at Jacob and he seemed to be in the same state as I was. His face was plastered with a glittering smile that engulfed his whole face. My heart thumped in my chest and I only just managed to suppress the urge to reach out and touch him. he was still so close that his warm breath slid over my skin.

"Well." Was all he seemed capable of saying. He turned and grabbed his jacket but seemed slightly lost at the same time. I lowered my eyes and bit my bottom lip. I couldn't help but grim sheepishly. He threw his jacket on and strode to the door. With is half open and he halfway through it, he stopped and turned back to me.

"I'll see you soon?" he questioned.

"Tomorrow?" I invited, still shocking my self with my confidence.

"Brilliant, Tomorrow then," and he left. I exhaled forcefully, not realising I had been holding my breath. I remembered our last conversation. I had told him I loved him. is still did, and what ever reason had gotten in the way of us last time, it apparently wasn't around now so I wasn't going to let anything happen.

Sophia, the blond nurse, cam is to help me change into my night gown and settle me into bed.

"I was on the phone to your doctor earlier. He had to go away for the weekend but said if the locum checked you over and was happy, you could go home tomorrow."

"Thank you, that's great news. Could you phone Renee or Charlie to come and collect me please?"

"Charlie will be here at 11," she smiled and walked out the room turning off the light as she went. That night I dreamt of Jacob. The kiss still hung on my lips and his euphoric face was engrained in my mind. I truly melted my heart to see him happy. I had a feeling I had hurt him before but he was so patient and loyal, I wouldn't make the same mistake again.

I woke up at about 8 the next morning and was surprised, but less shocked, to wake to Jake's smiling eyes.


	5. Authors note!

Hey Guys!!

First off i want to say thankyou to all the people who had read this and have reviewed. what i am worried about is the amount of hits i hav had and the small number of reviews compared to that!!

I didn't realy want to do this but i feel i need to. I'm not going to add another chapter until i have had more of a response. i have written loads but i don't see the point in putting it up here if i dont know if people are enjoying it!

i dont mean to sound big headed or horrible but i hope you can understand. i am bogged down with exams at the moment and i make time to write this with the intention of giving enjoyment to people. If you like it then all i need is a quick review saying that you do!! PLEASE!!

thankyou to onewhoknits! you are really nice and have reviewed lots! i really do appreciate it!!

Dont hate me! :s

SM

xxxxxx


	6. Chapter 6

**Ok i couldn't put off updating. im marvelling at the fact that i have something to write so i may as well make the most of it before writer's block appears which i am certain will at some stage. **

**thanks for the reviews. its a long one this one so i hope you enjoy.**

**SM**

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I woke the next morning, marvelling at the feeling of consciousness

"I hear your going home today,"

"Yep, once Dr Patterson had given me the all clear. Charlie is coming up at 11 to get me." I was so excited to be going home I almost forgot about our kiss yesterday. One look at his face and it all came flooding back, like the blood that pooled on my cheeks. All the confidence I had had the day before escaped me and I coughed awkwardly.

"So you do remember it then. Just making sure it really happened," he joked.

"What? Why?" I asked.

"Well put it this way, it wouldn't be the first time I daydreamed about kissing you." His eyes seemed to smoulder. I paused.

"I remember our conversation in the forest. I don't know what happened between now and then but I know I don't feel any differently then I did then." I clarified. His face fell.

"Well if you had your full memory you wouldn't be talking to me. In fact I don't think you'd be talking to anyone. I feel bad, taking advantage of you because you don't remember the things that got in the way before, but at the same time I don't think I could be selfless enough to stay away." Then I scooped me up in a warm, bone-crushing hug. I hugged him back but before long I could breathe.

"Jake!" I coughed out and he wordlessly loosened his grip, moved on hand to my face, and rested his forehead against mine. His face was smiling so much, I was sure it would split in two.

Not long after, the locum came and checked me over.

"Carlisle was right. You are a tough one. You can go home when you like. Just take things easy." At the name, I felt my attention catch. That name was so familiar. It must have been my normal doctor who was away this weekend, but at the same time, something stirred deep in the darkness of my mind. Not enough to resurrect any memories, but enough for me to be aware of it. The doctor walked out with a chuckle and left me dumbfounded. It was Jake who finally bought me back to reality.

"Do you feel like going for another walk?" he seemed to know that something had bothered me and decided that, as I had to concentrate so much when I walked, it would take my mind off it.

I felt like I used Jacob shamefully. I took him for granted that he would be there to help we walk, but at the same time he never complained. When we got back to my room, we burst in laughing hard at something trivial. Charlie was waiting.

"Hey Kiddo. Dr Patterson said you were doing much better. You ready to come home?" he asked grabbing my duffel bag and flowers. At this Jacob seemed to visibly shrink into the corner. I pulled him straight out though.

"Can Jake bring me home? You came in the Rabbit didn't you?" I asked him

"Well, yeah, but don't you think you should go with Charlie?" he hesitated. I felt so empowered with all these confidence shots I kept having around Jake. It made me feel great and usually Jake too.

"I think that would be a great idea," Charlie jumped in. It didn't come as a surprise to me that he would be more the happy with the idea of Jake and I getting so close. I was sure it had been a dream of his ever since I had met Jake back when we were kids.

"You could even take a detour to La Push if she's feeling up to it," He spoke to Jacob as if I wasn't stood in front of him. "I need to go and see Billy so I was going to go after I dropped her off home. At least it would give her some company."

At the idea of spending the day with Jake down on the reservation, I beamed.

Charlie took my stuff in the police cruiser to drop it off at the house before making his way to La Push and I, with lots of help from Jacob, climbed into the passenger side of Jake's Rabbit.

The drive to La Push was quick and filled with chatter and laughter. We drove up to the house and Jacob cut the engine. We sat in silence for a few minutes until I noticed Jake lean towards me. He took my face and turned it towards his. He stopped just short of kissing me to look into my eyes. My pulse knocked up another couple of gears as I looked questioningly into his deep eyes.

"Is this real?" he asked softly. I took his warm face between my hands.

"Are you real?" I answered. His smile melted my heart. This was my Jacob. I rested my head on his solid shoulder and his hands wrapped around my waist pulling me closer to his intense body temperature. Quicker then I thought possible, he was at my now open door and was scooping me up into his arms.

"Wait Jake I want to walk," I protested but he simply laughed.

"But you take too long and everyone is waiting." As we walked through the door we were greeted by a sea of smiling, welcoming faces. Literally everyone had turned up. There was Billy Black, Sam and the rest of the pack, Emily, Claire, Sue Clearwater and everyone else who had inevitably joint the family. Billy's house was barely enough for him and Jake, let alone every werewolf in Forks. Everyone began spilling out to gather around an unlit bonfire. It appeared there was going to be a fire party tonight. Jake set me down on a chair, kissed my forehead then left saying he had to make a phone call. Instantly I felt at home. La Push was my home and I was with my family. I was entertained all the while Jake was gone so I didn't have time to miss him. Quil and Embry came and sat next to me to fill me in on the latest news from the reservation. Emily, Sam's fiancée then took her place at my side and we gossiped endlessly about trivial, women things. Every now and again though, the people who spoke to me would stop mid sentence and change the subject. I guessed they had been warned not to bring anything up of my lost memories.

It was nearly 2 hours later when Jacob returned and he was followed by Charlie, Renee and Phil. They arrived just in time as the food was finished cooking on the huge, home-made barbeque. Jake pulled a chair right up next to ne and took it upon himself to be my slave for the evening. No matter how much I wanted to get up and stretch my legs, he wouldn't let me and insisted on bringing me my food and drinks. As the light gradually faded, the fire was lit and everyone took their natural places around the fire. Billy involuntarily was at the head of the proceedings flagged by Sam on one side and Jake on the other. I was then next to Jake and everyone else seemed to be ranked next.

The evening drew on and after many stories, songs and jokes, I was beginning to tire. I rested my head on Jacob's chest and he kissed my forehead gently, wrapping an arm around my shoulders. It almost frightened me how easy things were between us. We just seemed to fit like two pieces of a jigsaw. There was no effort in it at all. Now and again I would look across the makeshift circle at Renee, Phil and Charlie. Even though Renee rested her head on Phil, as I did with Jake, she regularly shared happy glances with Charlie. It wasn't difficult to figure out that they kept motioning to me.

I vaguely remembered a time when I would have felt shy of self conscious about openly showing my love for anyone, but here with me family around me, I was never judged and so felt completely comfortable.

Silence fell upon the group as the remaining younger children that were there were either driven home or settled in Billy's lounge. He had known this would happen and had cleared enough space for the children to curl up and dream away their innocence.

Billy coughed lightly and everyone hushed.

"Well I know I'm not alone in thinking its great to see Bella up and about. We all wish you a speedy recovery," at that everyone cheered and I blushed, as usual. Jacob's hand folded around mine and gave it a reassuring squeeze. He knew I hated being given any kind of attention.

"We're also here to wish her a happy 19th birthday. She missed it as she was still in hospital, so happy belated birthday, Bella." At this my face fell into a surprised smile as the group burst into singing happy birthday. I couldn't believe it. I had missed my 19th birthday because I had been in a coma. It did make me wonder what else I had missed.


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer: i dont own anything really. would be nice though...**

Enjoy people

SM

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I woke the next morning, marvelling at the feeling of consciousness

After all the singing and cheering, during which I wore a constant, trademark blush, Charlie and Renee both stood and walked over with a card a small package in hand. Renee handed me the package but I opened the card first. It was a typical card with flowers and teddies on the front and the beginning of a little poem which finished inside. It was the hand written words that caught my eye.

_We're so proud of you. We love you very _

_Much no matter what you choose._

_Enjoy your life together. _

_Happy Birthday_

_Love Mum, Dad and Phil. X_

This really hit me, "Enjoy your life together," what was that all about. Who was I supposed to spend the rest of my life with? Jacob? No, it couldn't be him because there was someone I couldn't remember. Someone who I was so involved with, that I was going to spend the rest of my life with. Who was it? Surly if they were that important I would remember them. My face creased in frustration and concentration as I tried to unlock my memory. Jacob coughed next to me and I realised I had been squeezing the package in my hands a little too tightly. I loosened my grip and began gently unwrapping it. I pulled the paper back to reveal a small, brown photo album. There was a little inscription on a small, copper coloured plate with the words "Our life" in beautiful italics. I ran my hand along the words and hesitated. It was clear that there was a picture in the front, and I realised with horror and anticipation that it would be the key to everything that I had lost. It would be the reminder I had been waiting for with reluctance. The whole reservation seemed to hold its breath, anticipating my reaction. I saw Jacob tense up next to me and seem to build a wall between us. He let my hand go and I was suddenly alone. Renee and Charlie had sat back down but both sat on the edges of their chairs and seemed to drip with confusion. Neither was completely sure if they should have given me this gift. Was it really that bad that I found out what I had forgotten? Was it so terrible that it had everyone waiting for my reaction?

My finger slipped underneath the cover and I flipped it over, revealing the picture inside.

I recognised it instantly as having been taken in Renee's house in Phoenix. There I was in all my glory on the little cream-coloured couch, gazing into the golden eyes of Edward.

As soon as I saw his beautiful, God like face looking at mine, I remembered everything. Was picture had been taken when he and I had visited Renee, using the tickets from Esme for my last birthday. I didn't remember the photo being taken so Renee must have done it on the sly. It was a really good one though, completely natural. We sat facing each other, my hands in his, my eyes gazing, adoringly into his, that wonderful, crooked smile curling around his mouth and the corners of his eyes. Because of the almost constant sunlight in Phoenix, Edward had been forces to stay inside nearly the whole trip. I imagined the looks he would have gotten had he gone out, and the sun had glittered of his skin like a diamond with a million facets.

I remembered Esme, Carlisle, Rosalie, Emmett, Alice, Jasper, James, Laurent. I also remembered the new-borns and Victoria.

Edward was dead. He had been killed, that was why I had had forgotten him. I had watched him die, Not from a bear attack, like Charlie had mentioned, but Victoria slicing his head off with her bare, marble hand. I had seen his decapitated body, writhing and twitching. That was when I had passed out. In an attempt to keep the few tatters of my sanity, my own mind had erased all memory of vampires. I was angry an it for doing that. The only constant friend I had had all through my life had simply deleted all recollection of the one thing that had been my world. My right had slipped, unconsciously, to my left, feeling for my third finger; feeling the finger that should hold my engagement ring. Touching only empty skin, I became aware of my surroundings again. The gently smouldering fire, and the glare of all the eyes, trained on me. I couldn't be around people now. Letting the album slip from my hands to the earth, I stood shakily, and ran. I was in no fit state to be walking, let alone running, but the emotion coursing through my veins was enough to give my legs the energy needed to take me away from people, into the surrounding trees. I was only just aware of the worried voices that called my name but no one followed, which I was glad of. It was pitch black when I finally entered the confine of the trees, but somehow, I didn't trip once. I just kept running blindly, deeper and deeper in to the forest. The tears finally came and spilled over. I screamed at the top of my lungs, the sound resonating through the trees and scaring the few animals that were still up. I was then aware of my follower. From the silence after my scream it was easy to hear the other set of footsteps, even on the soft, muffling earth. I was hardly running now, though they stayed just a little behind, giving me my space.

I ran up to the nearest tree and threw myself against it, grappling at the rough bark until my finger bled. This did nothing to numb the pain, only added on to it, hurting from another part of my body. The tears and screams continued to seep from every pore of my body. Exhaustion finally hit me, and my lags crumpled under me, and I let myself fall to the ground. I was waiting for the feeling of the dank, earth to hit me but realised I was held just a few inched from the floor by a pair of, hot, solid arms. They curled around me and held me tight against an even more solid and warmer chest. I cried, and screamed and repeatedly hit my follower, slamming the chest with my already sore hands. It wasn't personal; I just needed to lash out at something. The arms never let go though. Jacob's voice was a balm to my inconsolable thoughts.

"Ssshhh, hush, its ok, let it all out," my thumping of his chest became weak and pathetic and I eventually gave up. He was holding me so tightly, almost like I would fall apart in his arms if he loosened his grip at all.

We sat there for hours. The deep night crept in and the wind picked up and whopped around us. Jacob positioned himself as a wind break for me and I stayed warm enough, I supposed, not that I was able to feel anything like that. All I could feel was hurt and sadness. More then once, I wondered if being cold would have numbed the pain any but didn't have the guts to try. Neither of us spoke, we simply sat there in the middle of the forest floor, me cradled in his arms.

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**Now all you have to is leave a review and i'll let you read more!! simple really. jusy a few simple word is all thats needed, just click the little go button just there...**

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	8. Chapter 8

**Another one people, **

**Enjoy**

**SM**

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I woke the next morning, marvelling at the feeling of consciousness

After a long time the sobs began to subside, not because I felt any better but because I had simply run dry. I suddenly wanted to be in a coma. The simplicity and the ignorance seemed like bliss compared to my current state. I breathed carefully, gently, I case any sudden movement would rip open the old hole in my chest.

Jake loosened his hold and moved me away so he could look for answers in my eyes. I panicked, worried that the freedom of my body would allow the hole to open and I prepared myself for the pain. It didn't come and it confused me. I threw myself back at him as I felt the chill of the air around me and he understood, wrapping around me tightly.

"Why? Why him? Why my Edward?" I croaked, my voice muffled by his chest.

"I'm sorry, I'm so sorry, I wish I knew. I even wish I could take his place. After all you chose him not me, it would be fairer that way," he squeezed me tighter and rested his chin on my head.

"Don't say that, don't even ever think it," I said seriously but I wasn't sure if he paid me any attention. I felt one of his arms slide underneath my knees and he lifted me easily and carefully. He began the long trudge back to the house. He took his time, not saying anything. He walked relatively smoothly to say he carried a fully grown woman in his arms, yet there was a slight rock that somehow cradled me into a fitful sleep.

All I saw was Edward's body writhing in agony, and his head calling out for help. I was only lightly sleeping so every slight jolt woke me. I was so exhausted however, that I simply slipped back into unconsciousness until the next jolt. This cycle continued all the way back.

I was vaguely aware of entering the house by the still air and the worried voices of Renee, Charlie, Emily and Sam; all asking basically the same question. Was I back in a coma?

"No, She's just sleeping, she's exhausted," Jake explained then spoke with his voice tight with emotion. "I didn't know what to do or say. She made her fingers bleed clawing a tree, but the hurt and anguish in her eyes… it's just too much for her. After everything she has been through, how is it possible that she can come out of this ok?"

I felt myself being laid out on a bed and there was a slight prick on my arm, then the world became black and lifeless.

When I came to I was in a small, almost bare room, curled up on a large, double bed. I recognised it instantly as Jacob's room and stared at the ceiling. My fingers were sore and I looked at them to find them bandaged. This was all the confirmation I needed that yesterday really happened.

Edward Cullen was dead. My Fiancé was gone and he wasn't coming back this time. I braced myself for the pain of the hole but felt nothing but numbness. I wasn't quite sure why it didn't simply rip me in half, but as it didn't, I decided not to encourage it. The door was opened and Renee walked in.

"Oh sweety, you're awake. I'm so sorry. I should have never given you that album, please forgive me." She knelt by the bed and smoothed my hair.

"It's ok, mum. I'm glad you did in a weird way. It was easier not knowing but at the same time, knowing makes me feel whole. There was a really big hole and now it's filled. I miss him so much you could never imagine, but then again, at least now I have the memories of him. I really don't feel as bad as I was expecting." And it was true. Although it really hurt to think about the fact that he wasn't coming back, I knew he loved me, as apposed to leaving with me thinking he didn't. he had died trying to save me, and although I felt rather guilty about his death being my fault, it had been the most meaningful and selfless act of love possible.

"I don't know here you get your strength from, but it's certainly not me. We were all so worried you were going to leave us again. Billy phoned Carlisle as soon as you ran of and when you came back, he gave you a sedative to knock you out so you could rest properly. At the mention of that name, I perked up.

"Is Carlisle still here?" I asked.  
"Yes, and he wanted a world so I'll send him in. He's taking the death of his son really well. He's a walking miracle that man," and she walked out.

I sat up and ran my finger through my hair. The door re opened and Carlisle entered and sat newt to me on the bed.

"Bella," he whispered, almost inaudibly. He was truly perfect, and I wondered how I could have ever forgotten these beautiful creatures. Suddenly I felt terribly guilty. Here he was comforting me and helping me, when his son was dead because of me. How could he stand to look at me, let alone be so nice?

"Carlisle, I'm so sorry. You have to understand that I never meant for it to happen. I can't imagine how you could possibly stand to look at me," I lowered my eyes, "how is everyone holding up?"

"Whatever do you mean, child? You did nothing,"

"But it was my fault, he died protecting me. I took him away from you," I felt so guilty, it was even worse then the loss I felt.

"Dear Bella, do not think such things. What happened was a horrible accident. We knew there was a risk for all of us, but that was the price we pay for protecting the people around us that we love. Esme is obviously taking it hardest, everyone is hurt, but remember this; no one hols you, or anyone else to blame for this. We may be able to live forever but we can die.

"The happiness you gave Edward completed him. He was always happy, but there had been something missing. You filled that space Bella, and for that we will all be eternally grateful. He left us a content and complete man. We cannot stop living because of what happened, Edward of all people would not want us to give up. Always know this Bella, you always were and always will be very much a part of our family as any of us. Never forget that." He kissed the top of my head. Realisation dawned on me.

"Wait, your all leaving aren't you?"

"Yes we are for now. We're not sure if we'll come back, but we need time to grieve and Tanya has offered us support. You need it as well. There are many people around you that love you very much. Remember that. Make sure you keep everyone close, it helps heal the wounds. Also, promise me something, that you will never feel guilty. Promise you won't stop living and haul all the guilt onto yourself," he waited for my promise.

"Yes ok I promise. But I don't understand,"

"You will when you need to," and with a final kiss on the top of my head, he left, leaving me staring after him. I didn't know if I would ever see any of the Cullens ever again. I would miss them all dearly, and in a way I was glad I wouldn't see all of them for a goodbye. They all had their own place in my heart. It would have been torture for Jasper.

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**The next is on its way. Please Review, i LOVE hearing from you. Any suggestions for improvement are taken into account (except bringing Edward back because im sorry to all those who keep wanting him to come back, but he really is gone)**

**SM**


	9. Chapter 9

**Okay this is the last one today. I****t is currently quater to 1 in the morning for me and i'm shatterd but couldn't stop without adding this chapter. **

**Enjoy...**

**SM**

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I leant back against the pillows, and breathed in deeply. My nose was filled with a woodsy smell, a natural, outdoor kind of person smell. Jacob always smelt so good. It was nothing like Edward – the name made me cringe – but wonderful in its own way. I snuggled down into the covers and breathed in his smell deeply. It washed through my mind and cleansed my soul. Jacob didn't have to be in the room to help heal me.

I swore he must have been some angel that fell from Gad and decided to spend his time saving me. The amount of time he had been there for me, and I was sure I didn't deserve any of it. Totally immersed in the covers and the scent, I didn't hear him walk in and kneel next to the bed. He was quite for a while, listening to me breathing in deeply. It was only when I got a waft of him, stronger then that of the covers, that I stopped and pulled the covers away to look at him, ashamed.

"What were you doing?" he asked curiously. Completely taken over my embarrassment, I squished my face against the mattress and replied.

"Honey, would you please speak to me and not the mattress?" he joked and turned my face to his.

"Ok, I was smelling you," I said with a little more force and defensiveness that I had planned. I turned my face back to the mattress and could hear the smile slide across his face. I felt his had reach across to my side and he rolled me over so I had to look at him,

"Are you sure those drugs have worn off," he laughed, "seriously though, how do you feel?" his face fell into a serious expression.

"Sad, but not broken," I replied. "I was expecting it to hurt more then it does." There was a silent pause as he read my face to check I was telling the truth. I twisted myself over and shuffled to the farthest edge of the bed to make room for Jake,

"Come keep me warm, Dog," I said playfully and he hopped up next to me. I instantly curled up next to him, moulding my body to the shape of his to keep warm.

"You know its freezing in your room for those of us that don't run at one-oh-eight point five," I pointed out. He laughed.

"Faithful, loyal, space heater, at your service," he replied and wrapped his arms around me, "Happy Birthday. I know it probably won't help, but I have a present for you if you want it. Don't worry, I didn't spend any money on it," he clarified. He learned quickly.

"Oh," was all I could say. I was truly surprised. I guessed that I had missed his again.

He sat up and reached into a nearby drawer, pulling out a little, brown leather pouch. He handed it to me and I emptied the contents onto my hand. It was another wooden carving. This time it was made of a really pale wood. It was a simple shape, but one that I understood immediately. It was a fang. Or a canine, which ever way you chose to look at it. I was gobsmacked. It was so beautiful, even though it was a simple piece. In one way it was reminder of Jacob, and in another it reminded me of Edward. Although Edward hadn't, or any vampires for that matter, had actual fangs, I understood the thinking behind it.

"Jake it's… incredible. Really, thank you so much. It's simply perfect."

"My pleasure. I have some silver wore in my garage so I can attach it to your charm bracelet if you like?" he averted his eyes, suddenly looking really young and innocent. It remined me how he stil was basically a child. He had needed to grow up for the sake of looking after Billy, and then for the sake of the pack, but he was still a boy. I really pitied him and it bought a tear to my eyes.

"Jake I…" words failed me. I wasn't sure how I could explain to him how I felt. My breath hissed out of my lungs like I was being squeezed. Jake flashed his eyes to me, looked at my expression the stood.

"I can hear Billy calling for me," and he walked out, leaving me sat with the present in my hands.

Why was it that simple things could never be simple? I rose to my feet, stretched, and walked into the living room. There were quite a few people here, chatting, but they all stopped and looked at me as I entered,

"Where did Ja-…" but my sentence was interrupted by the sound of a motorbike roaring to life and speeding away towards first beach.

Anger engulfed me. What the hell was he doing? Why was he running away? Things were going fine, but as soon as there seemed to be a little more complicated emotions in the room, he ran. He was such a coward. If he really felt the way he said he did, he would be here facing anything to get what he wanted. I didn't like to think of myself as an object to be fought over but at this moment, I was falling at his feet, needing his support. So why was he running?!

I stormed out of the house and headed towards the garage. I found what I was looking for, in the corner, surrounded with a variety of tools. I hoped my bike worked as it looked like Jake had been doing some work on it. Was he selling it like I had asked him ages ago? I rather hoped not.

I walked it out to the road, swung my leg over like a pro, and rammed the kick start to the floor. Much to my surprise, it started first time. I went speeding after Jake, knowing exactly where he was going.

I raced along, my surroundings merging into one single blur, of blue, green and brown. The dirt track I followed Jake on ran right along the cliff, and I glanced over at the swell of the sea far below. I shoved the machine into the highest gear, something I had never done before. The feeling of freedom was so exhilarating that I almost forgot why I was riding a death trap at a ridiculous speed, along a cliff.

As the car park at the top of the beach neared, I peered along the beach to see Jake trudging down the beach towards the water's edge. As he heard my bike, he looked up and I saw him shake his head as he looked back at the ocean. I slowed and stopped next to Jake's bike, killing the engine and swinging off after putting it on the foot stand. I suddenly felt like a natural bike rider, then I remembered all the trips to the ER as I was learning. I stormed to the edge of the car park, where the sand met the land, and screamed.

"JACOB BLACK YOU CAWARD!" he stopped a few meters for the water and turned, a mixture of emotions painted across his face.

"OH SO I'M A COWARD NOW TOO, AM I? ANYTHING ELSE YOU WOULD LIKE TO ADD WHILE YOU'RE AT IT?" He shouted back, beginning to shake. He looked almost out of control.

"YES, YOU'RE A JERK. NOW GET YOUR ASS UP HERE NOW! WHAT THE HELL IS WRONG WITH YOU?" I the blink of an eye, he was standing not ammeter away from me.

"What's wrong with me?" he repeated, "Oh sorry if I can't be like perfect Edward Cullen, but I do have me flaws like most human people," he poked, making me visibly wince.

"Well this is better, at least your fighting instead of running like a pathetic coward," I dug. He edged closer.

"GRRR, Bella had I not left, you wouldn't be standing there now. Your pushing me and I can only take so much," his face darkened, his eyes like daggers.

"Don't you dare give me that bullshit, Jake, What have I done now? One second I'm thanking you for my present and the next you're storming out, completely closed. I never said anything,"

"You didn't need to, your eyes said everything." I squeezed his eyes closed and grimaced, "You know, all I ever wanted was for you to be happy. As soon as you made your decision to pick Edward, I accepted it. I only fought to make things interesting, but I never expected you to change. It was just funny watching Edward squirm. Plus I always like spending time with you. With him gone, we slipped into the life we would have had if he had not existed.

"I gave you that present and all I saw in your eyes was pity. You felt sorry for me because I'm not Edward-bloody-Cullen. I don't want pity from you. And I don't wasn't to live in his shadow. I can't and don't want to be compared to him all the time. I'm not expecting you to get ever him in a few days, for god's sake you were going to marry the guy, but I don't think you ever will.

"All I want is to be with you. To love you and take care of you. All I want to do is stand close to you and be by you side. I want to make the world revolve around you. I keep trying but I'm kidding myself. I can't be with you if you compare me to him all the time; every look, every touch, every kiss. It's like your grading me."

All my anger faded away and I plopped to the ground, but kept my eyes on his.

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**OOOOOO Cliffhanger! i do believe it is my first for this story i think. Whats going to happen??**

**Well of course _I_ know, but you are all going to have to grovel to read more, so review please!**

**SM**


	10. Chapter 10

**I have a Beta! and you are truly amazing. This if for you, even though you've already read it **

**I havn't updated in a while but im having a little trouble deciding which direction to take a little later on as i have written 2 versions. but im sure you somply want to read R&R please! **

**Enjoy SM **

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"Jake that's not what I'm doing at all. Before when you saw pity, it was not for the reason you think. Jake I feel sorry for you because you're still a child and you have so much on your shoulders. Every aspect of your life now is so serious and at your age it shouldn't be. You should be having fun and making mistakes.

"Jake, I love you. I don't care if you're a werewolf, a witch or a secret frog, I love you. Edward was a piece of me that I can't let go of, but that doesn't mean that when I look at you I see him," I realised my eyes had filled with hot, salty tears that began running down my face, "You have been so patient with me up until now. I'm trying to sort my life out as well as protect the people I love, and I can't help it if I slip up and upset someone. My whole life was planned out till a couple of months ago, what am I supposed to do now?" I wanted to explain more but the emotion consumed me. I needed him to be patient with me.

I wasn't going to get married. I wasn't going to college, I couldn't afford it and I had no reason to go, and I clearly couldn't become a vampire and spend the rest of forever with Edward. I was filled with a peculiar kind of relief at the thought of that. There had always been a part of me that had been totally averse to becoming a vampire for a variety of reasons. I was sure that, although the Cullens would probably accept me into the family, what was the point? I came back out of my personal thoughts in Jacobs arms. I curled into this chest, feeling the cold wind more then when I had been on the motorbike.

"Your freezing and riding that bike back will only make you worse. Nice going by the way, top gear too, that's got to be a first," he wrapped his arms around my shoulders and we stood.

"Yeah well I wasn't thinking I was just really angry. Speaking of which your not still angry are you?" I stopped and looked at him.

"Do I look it?" he said pouting and I gave him a playful shove

"Well I'm beat, I'll sleep soundly tonight I hope." I stepped up to the bike, swung my leg over and took it off the stand. Without my emotional boost from before, it seemed huge and very dangerous. Why the hell was I riding it?

"I'm telling you you're going to freeze."

"Well we don't have another way of taking both bikes back so I'll just have to survive." I shivered involuntarily.

"Here put this on," Jake handed me his jacket. I dived in, relishing the warmth that still remained. It was huge and I had to roll the sleeves up a little. It wouldn't stop the wind getting through, but it would help. I attempted to start the huge monster beneath me and I expected to fail several times before it caught. Much to me elation, it started first time again. I was getting the hang of this. Without waiting for Jake, he would catch up easily; I drove off, heading back to Billy's.

In my current state of health, I really wasn't in any fit state to be awake, let alone driving a motorcycle, but I felt confident in myself after setting off, and really enjoyed the freedom. The wind whipped my hair, and tore at my clothes but I didn't care.

As we neared Billy's I slowed and stopped just outside the garage, wheeling it in and putting it back where I found it.

"It's a good job I had put it back together. I had the tyres off yours the other day." Jake said from behind me as I admired my bike, "it would have been interesting to see you follow then," he laughed.

"Yes it would. You would have been waiting a while as I tried to convince Charlie that it was safe and then get him to put the tyres on. I guess at a 6 month wait," I pointed out sarcastically. The welcoming committee in the house wasn't on their best form though.

"Where the hell have you been? And since when do you go speeding off on a motorcycle after being sedated for 10 hours?" Renee wasn't so much angry as worried.

"Mom I'm fine. I just want to go home now please," I asked and yawned but she looked at me, waiting for answers, "The bikes are a long story that I'm sure Charlie will fill you in on. Can we go now?" I asked with an angelic smile on my face.

"Ok," she said resigned, "go and grab your things, they're in Jake's room. Thanks for everything Billy, we'll see you again soon," and with that she dragged Charlie out to the police cruiser. Silently I walked into Jake's room. I picked up the present from the bed, dropped it into the pouch, and rammed it in my back pocket. It had caused problems today. Back in the lounge, Billy had gone and Jake was waiting.

"Thanks for everything, Jake. I'll see you soon," I stretched up to give him a peck on the cheek but he had other ideas. Wrapping his arms around my waist, he lifted me off my feet and crushed his soft lips to mine. I kissed him back sweetly and he set me down without a word. I followed Charlie and Renee to the cruiser, and with a last glance at Jake at the door, we drove back home.

No-on spoke on the ride home.

"You there too Bella?" Phil's voice rang out form the kitchen, shattering the silence.

"Yeah, I thought I'd come home tonight," I laughed pathetically as I walked into the kitchen.

"How are you feeling kiddo?" he asked, patting me in the shoulder gently. I saw that he had been cooking dinner. It was strange to walk into this house where a man had been cooking. Charlie was hopeless at it. Phil on the other hand was a dab hand in the kitchen but I wasn't hungry.

"Not bad. I'm going to my room," I said jogging up the stairs. I paused at the door, hand on the handle, prepared myself, and stepped in.

It was cool and fresh, clearly untouched for weeks. I sat down on my bed and looked around. It was the same but something was missing. I couldn't put my finger on it, but it seemed emptier. I sat cross legged on the middle of the bed. It was about 7:30 and the light was waning outside. I went over and yanked the window fully open. A cold breeze blew in but it felt slightly better. With nothing else to do, I changed and jumped into bed. It was early but I didn't doubt I would eventually fall asleep.

It was exactly that moment that I figured out what it was that was missing. Edward. He would have been here. He would hum my lullaby until I fell asleep. This time I was on my own. I didn't like it.

I hugged my knees to my chest and clamped my eyes shut. No cold arms held me tight, no sweet breath eased over my skin and filled my senses. Never again.

I was close to draining a bottle of drowsy cold syrup as I figured I wouldn't be able to sleep without medical intervention, but I couldn't be bothered to walk to the bathroom.

After a few hours of completely blank thoughts, Renee popped her head in the door, but as I faced away from her, she thought I was asleep and left.

I heard Charlie go to bed, heard Renee and Phil settle down for the night in the lounge, and heard the house creak and clunk as it settled. The silence then was annoying and I couldn't stand it any longer. Just as I contemplated turning my CD player on low, there was a funny rustling in the tree outside my window. I shifted so I could look at the window and saw a huge, dark figure entering.


	11. Chapter 11

**Disclaimer: i dont own anything, but i think we all know that by now.**

**I hope this chapter is ok. Thanks to my Beta, i hope the ending is more like what you thought, but i just want to get the others done so it is slightly rushed.**

**Enjoy and review please!!**

**SM**

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The low curses gave away the identity of the intruder. He clambered in trying to be silent, but failing miserably. He straightened as he stood in the middle of my room.

"What do you think you're doing?" I asked, scaring him that he nearly shouted out.

"What?" he asked, a slight edge of anger to his voice.

"Well generally when people come over they come through the front door and at a reasonable hour," I stated, sitting up, not able to keep the smile out of my voice. He couldn't have come at a better time.

"Well, I could always leave," he said turning back towards the window.

"NO!" I said a little more desperate sounding then I had intended. "I mean now that you're here…"

"That's what I thought," he smiled through the gloom. He stepped over and parked himself on my bed. "You can't sleep, can you?" it was more of a statement then a question.

"No,"

"Don't be ashamed; I figured he used to spend the night over here. When I used to run around the house, I could smell him." I didn't answer. He sighed and edged closer, his voice low.

"I know it's a bit different, what with me being the other extreme of temperature, but if it made you feel better to have someone stay over, I can," he offered.

"What about school?" I suddenly remembered that for him still in high school, he should have been in school today and tomorrow.

"Don't worry about that, I have more important things to do," he smiled indifferently.

"What about Billy, what does he think about this?" I frowned. I wouldn't ruin his life too.

"He's fine with it. He understands. It's not like school is going to help me in later life so what's the point in wasting time?" he said simply.

"Well I doubt that, but I can't see me changing your mind."

"Well?" he asked again. It was going to be different, from freezing cold to extra warm, but I didn't think I could stand being alone, not that night.

"Thanks," I said and scooted over to allow room for him. I didn't know how we managed to fit, but some how he climbed in. He didn't seem to know what to do with himself, but as soon as his warm hand brushed my arm, I snuggled up close to him, moulding my body to his to warm up.

"Jesus you're freezing; are you ever normal body temperature?" he almost winced at my touch.

"Sorry," I said but it was muffled by his chest. I felt a lot better, maybe a little too comfortable, but I relaxed enough to consider sleep. Jake wound his arms around me and I heard his breathing slow and deepen. This was going to be something new too; someone who slept as well instead of lying there all night.

I didn't remember dropping off, but I remember waking up. It must have been mid morning when Renee walked in. It was the shocked gasp that dragged me from sleep and I stared at her white face. Through the morning haze, it took me a few seconds to work out why she looked like that. That was when I became aware of the sleeping body next to me.

"Oh, God, Its not what it looks like mom I promise," I attempted to untangled myself from his arms, and in my struggles, ended up pushing him off the bed. The impact of the cold floor woke him instantly and he swore.

I stood and Renee walked out to the landing after Jake stared, dumbfounded, up at her. I caught her just outside the door.

"Mom, honestly, he was just keeping me company, I couldn't sleep,"

"I bet he was," she laughed,

"Mom!" I scowled,

"I know, I know, I believe you," she defended.

"I asked him over last night. I couldn't sleep…on my own…so I phoned and he came over." I dropped my eyes.

"It's ok love. One thing though: how the hell did he walk through the front door without anyone hearing?"

DAMMIT!  
"Oh he's very light on his feet for someone so big," I joked, deciding to keep her ignorant of the fact that he was capable of climbing, unscathed, through my window.

"There's some breakfast downstairs if you want some. Both of you," she added before kissing me on the forehead and walking down the stairs, humming to herself.

I returned to my room in a daze.

Jake looked at me worriedly.

"You're not in trouble are you? Charlie isn't going to hunt me down with a shot gun?"

"No," I giggled, "Renee seems fine with it so she'll protect you before Charlie gets too dangerous." He visibly relaxed and I sat next to him on the bed.

"Thanks, I actually slept last night. I wouldn't have without you," I said truthfully.

"Anytime," he replied, simply. There was an awkward pause.

"Renee has breakfast ready down stairs for us if you're interested? And for the record, you came in the front door and I invited you over,"

"Right," he laughed, "Lets get some food then."

I laughed and walked over to my wardrobe to change. As I did, I noticed a small pile of Jacob's clothes on the dresser. I turned back to him with them in my hands.

"You came prepared," I teased and threw them at him.

I picked out some jeans and a blue v-neck sweater and began changing. I was barely aware of anyone else in the room until a changed Jacob placed warm hands on my hips from behind me, spun me round, and pulled me to him. I had managed to pull on the jeans, but I had only managed my bra on my top half. Strangely, I wasn't the least bit self-conscious.

He let me go without a word and turned to gather up the rest of his clothes, leaving me blissfully shell-shocked. I threw the sweater over my head, pulled the brush threw my long hair, and dragged Jake down the stairs.

In the kitchen, Phil and Charlie sat chatting about some game over toast, bacon and eggs, and Renee stood by the stove. They all looked up as they heard two sets of footsteps walking down the stairs but whereas Renee turned back to the cooking with a smile, Charlie and Phil's faces dropped and gaped in shock.

"Morning," I mumbled and moved to the fridge.

"Morning Charlie, Phil," Jake said carefully and sat at the table.

"Juice or coffee?" I asked with out looking.

"Juice please," he said.

"Morning Jake," Phil finally managed, now out of his trance.

"Charlie!" Renee scolded at his not answering and he coughed.

"Err sorry, morning Jake." He managed.

I helped Renee plate up the food, handed Jake a plate and his drink, and sat next to him. We ate in silence, but it was by no means, a comfortable one. I couldn't ignore the curious glare from Charlie. I slammed my fork down.

"I couldn't sleep so Jake came over to keep me company, that's it," I glared back at Charlie.

"WHAT!" he stood up abruptly, shoving the table into my stomach. Jake immediately moved it so I could breathe but I collapsed from the pain, curling up in a ball on the cold, hard floor.

"Come on Charlie, she's not been sleeping. All I was doing was helping her," Jake tried desperately to calm the irate Charlie but he was on the warpath.

"Don't you dare come into my house without permission, sleep with my daughter, and expect me to accept it. You've got a nerve, who the hell do you think you are?" he was going red in the face and Renee tugged at his sleeve in a desperate attempt to change his focus before he exploded Jake with his eyes. Still recovering, but felling better, I stood and leaned on Jake to stop me collapsing again.

"Charlie, you're over-reacting. Nothing happened I swear, so please just cool it," I tried and he looked at me, seeing the pain I was in.

"Oh Bella, I'm so sorry."

I was still doubled over but I managed to speak with more authority then I realised I ever possessed.

"Don't you dare. You're not sorry, you just trying to cover you ass. I'm quite old enough to have someone over whether he just stays over or whether we have sex. It's none of your damn business anyway so don't you dare use the 'I own the house' argument. Just drop it. We did nothing wrong," the effort drained me and I had to sit back down. Breakfast was finished in silence and I slowly recovered, breathing normally and not feeling any serious internal damage; for now.

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**Please review now. i'll have the next one up as soon as its ready but i love you hear what your thinking so far. **

**For those that keep mentioning him, to clear things up, Edward (RIP) is not coming back, he wont be making any shock appearances or being somehow sewn back together. Sorry people.**

**SM**


	12. Chapter 12

**Sorry I've taken a while to update but it's here now so enjoy yourselves.**

**Please Please review, and tell all your friends. i know i keep asking but i really do like to hear from you.**

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As soon as he had finished, Charlie migrated to the lounge; Phil and Renee followed. They closed the doors and we were left alone.

"Wow, that went well," Jake smiled.

"Yeah, sure it did." I said sarcastically, rubbing my stomach.

"Renee cooks a mean breakfast. I always thought Emily was the best cook around but Renee would give her a run for her money," he changed the subject.

"Yeah breakfast she can do, lunch and diner she can't. That's why Phil and her are so perfect."

We finished up, chatting away, and headed back upstairs.

"So what are you doing today?" I asked, sitting on my bed.

"I don't know. Sam asked me to help him and Emily. They're redecorating the house so the some others of the pack were going to chip in too. He knows that you come first though."

"Don't be silly, I don't need babysitting. Go and help. You like spending time with everyone so go," I encouraged. I was sure I could find things to do, I couldn't have him there all the time.

"Well you like seeing everyone too. Why don't you come? I've just got to phone up school and then run a few errands then I'm we can head down to the res. No doubt Emily will have a huge lunch ready before we start."

"Why do you need to phone school?" I asked.

"To tell them that I'm leaving, or have left, so not to expect me anymore," he said shrugging indifferently.

"What?! No Jake you need to go to school," I sounded like a mother.

"No, I don't. I don't need to learn anything they will teach and I need to spend my time doing more important things. Billy's fine with it, he understands. He's going to help me set up a little garage so I can earn a living doing something I'm good at. I don't need school," he repeated.

"Oh well, what ever." I was getting too involved. I was none of my business if Jake went to school or not.

It got me thinking though, what was I going to do? Other then a crappy shop job, I doubted I could get a good job here in Forks without going to college and that was out of the question.

"So you feel like running errands?" he asked again.

"Yeah, okay," I ran into the bathroom and showered quickly while Jake ran home to get the Rabbit. He needed to look like he came here somehow last night, even if he had run here. When I walked back into my room he was back, sitting on my bed.

"So what should I wear?" I asked myself aloud, making Jake think we would be here a while. He obviously didn't know me quite well enough to know I never cared what I wore. I got the desired affect as I heard him groan quietly and move to stand behind me as I looked in my wardrobe.

"Well you look fine in the towel," he mumbled into my neck as he wrapped himself around me.

"No, scrap that." He corrected.

"What?!" I asked slightly offended.

"You look incredible in the towel," he growled playfully, low and deep in his chest. I giggled and squirmed away from him dragging a pair of old jeans and a holey tee with them. I donned them quickly in the bathroom, braided my hair to one long plait, and sauntered back in, pouting.

"Mmmm, painting clothes, too tempting," he laughed and I smiled and headed downstairs.

"I'm going out with Jake. I'll phone you later when we know what we're doing." I shouted as I walked out the door. We droved in silence to La Push, stopping at Billy's to grab a few things before setting off to the Chemist's, Grocers, and Film rental store. We got to Sam's at about midday, just in time, it seemed, for lunch.

"Smells good, Emily," I called as we walked in the door. There was an excited squeal from the kitchen and Emily greeted me with a beaming smile.

"It's really good to see you Bella," she took my hand and dragged me into the kitchen, dropping me in a chair. Also squeezed into the room were Sam, Paul, Jared, Embry and Quil. They all greeted me warmly, completely ignoring Jacob. We ate and chatted and I relished the ease and simplicity of the whole situation. Even if it did make me feel slightly guilty for simply getting on with my life, I enjoyed myself. After clearing up, we prepared to rooms for painting; moving furniture and putting sheets down to protect what was in the room. With eight people, we split up in twos and took a room each. At this rate things would be done very quickly.

Predictably, it didn't take long for me to have some sort of accident. And just as predictably Quil, Embry, Jared and Paul had placed bets on how long it would be before something happened. Paul won. After only half an hour, I knocked the ladder down which hit the paint tray, splattering me and Jake in magnolia paint.

"At least you got some on the wall," Jake joked, wiping the work of the paint off his arms.

We finished our room quickly, working in virtual silence, listening to the radio blaring through all the rooms. After stopping for a coffee break we moved outside. I began helping Emily re-cover the dining room seats and I turned out to be pretty good at it. The guys worked hard putting together all the new furniture.

The day wore on and it was nearly 8 o'clock before everyone felt satisfied to stop. We had come to a natural break and decided to leave the rest for another day.

Jared, Paul and Quil left for home, and I helped Emily make a quick dinner as Sam, Jake and Embry messed around outside, arguing over trivial things such as which length screw needed to be ordered for the new bed. Emily and I chatted happily until we reached an unavoidable topic.

"How are you really?" she asked, avoiding eye contact.

"Not too bad actually. I keep waiting for the hurt to hit but it won't. I know he…is gone, but I keep expecting it to be harder then what it is. Do you think that's a bad thing?"

"Well no one can tell you how you should or shouldn't feel. You've surprised all of us by the way your taking it but know that we are all here for you. We love you and don't want to see you like you were when he left, or worse. Jake is being so careful, like your made of china. He doesn't want to let you out of his sight for fear that he'll lose you. You're both close."

"Yeah, it keeps surprising me. Things are just so easy with him, there's no effort involved, it's like breathing. That's kind of what makes it more confusing. I feel bad because I'm getting on with things like I've forgotten him. He died to save me and I feel like I'm acting like he never existed. It's only been a few days,"

"It's been a few months honey. Don't forget," that silenced me. I had been. There was me thinking it was only a few days after Edward had passed, but it had been more then 2 months now. Maybe, even though I was unconscious, during my coma I had grieved and dealt with it. Maybe being in a coma had ridded me of everything else that I would have had to worry about and allowed me to completely deal with Edward's death. Had I already fallen apart and was back together now? I couldn't be sure. A big part of me wished it was true so I wouldn't have to go through the pain, but I couldn't assumed I had.

One thing for sure, Jake and I seemed to be heading in an obvious direction, one that I didn't really want to be heading in. We had passed several levels of a relationship without even thinking. We needed to talk.

We continued to make dinner in a comfortable silence. I had things to think about and Emily had to try and salvage the mess I kept making from lack of concentration.

The next week passed quickly and without incident. Jake and I slipped into an easy routine. He'd stay over at night, we'd head down to La Push in the morning, and we'd stay there till night time. Phil and Renee left halfway through the week after I managed to convince Renee that everything was sorted and if Phil didn't get back he would lose his job. We bade them farewell at the airport, and Renee immediately slipped back into the routine of emailing me expecting daily replies.

It was a quite start to Wednesday, and with the house to ourselves I decided to have that chat I had planned. We sat in Billy's kitchen with some drinks.

"We need to talk," I said finally.

"Oh? What about?" he seemed enthusiastic enough but I doubted he would be after I started.

"It's about… us, and where we're going." I couldn't look at him; instead found an interesting spot on the table.

"Right," he said after a pause. "Where are we going?"

"Well I want to know where **you **think we're going." I managed. This was so uncomfortable.

"We're just hanging, just… friends," he spat the word out.

"Friends don't tend to share the same bed every night," I pointed out, "Where you want us to be?" I asked.

"Bella, don't. Not now, it'll only end in an argument and I don't want to argue with you," he pleaded.

"If that's what it takes to clear this up then that's what it takes. Just answer that question, please,"

"You know where I want us to be. But what I want is never important so I don't know why you're asking. We always play by your rules remember," he had turned bitter. He sat back on the chair, slouching with his armed folded across his chest.

"Don't be like that. We need to do this. I need to know exactly how you fee. I don't want to hurt you,"

"Well then, let's stop the conversation. Things have been perfectly fine for me so far and I haven't heard you complain," he hissed. Obviously I needed to be a little firmer.

"Hey! Listen up! I don't know if I've completely gotten over everything, but what I do know is that things with you are so easy, almost too easy. I don't feel as bad as I had expected to and it's got me cautious. I keep feeling bad about how I feel around you like I should be grieving more. I'm acting like Edward didn't exist and I don't want it to be like that."

"So you want to live in misery and depression for the rest of you life? You do remember him, you're just living life. He would want you to be happy, not falling apart over him. Somehow, no matter how, you have dealt with it and now your mind is telling you to move in with me."

I looked up at his face, searching his blank expression.

"What?!" I truly believed I had imagined that last bit.


	13. Chapter 13

**The Next installment**

**Enjoy and please review. Please :'(**

**SM**

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"Move in with me

"Move in with me. You know it makes sense," he was so self assured.

"Jake, I can't move in with you!" I said, shell shocked.

"Why not? Give me one good reason and I'll drop the subject." He sat foreword, now leaning against the table between us.

"'Cause… because…"

"I thought so," his eyes sparkled and he smiled. He was being annoyingly cocky and it was beginning to grate my nerves.

"Because you're only 16, because there is not enough room, and because I don't want to be that serious. I've been there and I don't want to go there again." I argued exasperated.

"Firstly, we already established that I'm closer to 25 the 16, secondly, I didn't mean at Billy's, yes for now but we'll get our own place, and thirdly, whether you want to be or not, we are that serious and you can't do much about it. You can twist it however you like, it's on you whether you I _want_ it or not. Bella, I'm closer to you then I ever would be if I imprinted."

"Ah, that's another thing, what if you do?" I needed an argument, he was beating me down.

"I won't. And if I do it'll be you anyway," he said matter-of-factly.

"Don't be stupid, you don't know that," I tried.

"How do you know I didn't already imprint on you?" he suggested.

"That's crazy. I'd feel…" what? the same? I did, didn't I? What had he said it was like? Gravity? They're everything the other needs them to be. Well he was for me. Had I simply had the complication of vampires to blur my vision? Had he really imprinted on me? Was it impossible for me to fight?

"Don't give yourself a hemhorrage," he said at my face of intense concentration," I didn't imprint, but it's just as strong, isn't it?" I really couldn't argue.

"That wasn't the topic, you still haven't come up with a decent reason why not yet," His glittering eyes burrowed into mine. I really didn't have a leg to stand on in the matter. He'd only bend me down one way or another, either out of guilt, blackmail, brute force, or any other means possible.

"Where the hell are we supposed to live?" I said resigned. f

"I don't know, but I'll work something out," he sat back, draining his coffee.

"What was the point in persuading me of we haven't got anywhere to live?" I stood to wash the mugs and plated from breakfast. He stood and folded his arms round me as I washed. I absolutely loved it when he did that. I really couldn't help but lean into him.

"It's Wednesday right? We could take a trip down to the estate agents," he suggested.

"How the hell are we going to afford a house? I have no money to my name and neither do you," I said turning around in this arms to face him.

"We'll work something out. Meanwhile, at least I have a king-size bed here. Granted I still don't fit properly on it but it's better and more roomy then yours. Billy said he doesn't mind, and seen as we spend all day here on the Res, it seems stupid driving all that way to Forks just for the night." It did make more sense.

"Hang on, Billy knows?" I asked

"Well yeah, it's his house, I had to ask him first,"

"Right, yeah. But how can this really work? I don't want to depend on you, I need to be able to live without you joined to me. If I relied on you and you…" I couldn't finish for fear of breaking at the thought.

"What? Left? If I left, you couldn't go through that? Fair enough, but I'm not leaving." He was always so confident, so sure of himself. Why couldn't I be like that?

We headed outside and headed towards the woods for a walk.

"One other problem," my brain had finally started working, "Charlie is never going to agree to this."

"Bella, you're 19. I'm sure he'll let you do what you want. And what you want is to settle into a nest with me. So he'll agree." I gave him a shove.

"Since when do you get off being so god damn cocky anyway? Huh? I keep getting the feeling you're living my life for me." I stopped and sat on a huge rock on the side of the track.

After a rather large and uncomfortable pause, he spoke.

"Can I drop you off at Charlie's? I have a few things I need to do and I'll come by when I'm done ok?"

"What ever," I sighed, standing and following him to the house and into the car.

The house was quiet and boring. I put a load in the wash and began general house keeping. Charlie had not really made much of a mess however everything needed a good clean. I began in the kitchen and it ended up being the only room I managed to do.

I started violently scrubbing the floor and worktops, then dragged everything out of the cupboards. Becoming slightly agitated by the silence, I turned the little radio on and turned the volume up loud. Back in the kitchen I began putting everything back in the cupboards and shelves, throwing out anything unusable or out of date. I had switched off shortly after starting, allowing my thoughts to run riot while my hands worked without guidance.

What had I agreed to? Was I really ready to move in with anyone much less Jacob? I accepted that I loved him but at the same time, even though I didn't really want that kind of commitment right now, it seemed I had agreed to it none the less. I couldn't stand being without Jake, as much as I had hated being parted from Edward. I remember nearly falling to pieces when he had to leave to hunt, or even go in the next room.

It was stupid to be that dependant on someone, so involved that you needed them joint at the hip even to breathe, but I couldn't seem to help it. I had always been happily independent, able to look after myself and not need anyone.

Especially with the lack of any real male interest at my last school I was single and still survived. Why was it now that I fell apart when I was on my own? How had I become that fragile? I hated it, I didn't want to need someone as much as I did; it wasn't natural. How could I learn to survive on my own if I moved in with Jake? Surely it would make me rely on him more then I already did, if it was possible.

My thoughts came to an abrupt stop when the door clicked and Charlie walked in.

"Oh hi Bells… where's Jake?" did everyone else expect us to be joined at the hip?

"Out sorting a few things out. I thought I'd catch up on some housework. Sorry I've been neglecting it and you," I tidied away the last few cans and saucepans.

"Hey, don't worry about it, I survived." He hung his jacket up and headed for the lounge, grabbing the remote control before sitting on the couch.

"So what's for dinner?" he called over the blare of the TV.

"I don't know yet, I'll throw something quick together," I called back and began the search.

Just as I was cleaning the salad and flipping the pork chops grilling in the oven, there was a knock at the door and it opened.

"Hey, it's just me," Jake called, walking in.

"Hi, Jake," Charlie called then groaned at something on the TV.

"Mmmmm, something smells good," he walked over, kissed me on the cheek and moved to the sink to wash his hands. I almost laughed aloud at the 'Hi honey, I'm home' moment.

"Make yourself at home why don't you," I joked and put the salad bowl on the table.

"Did you sort everything out?" I asked,

"Yeah, all done," he smiled, "is there enough for me or am I going to have to starve?" he came over, eyeing up the chops.

"Yes, there's enough. Its only pork, potatoes and salad; nothing interesting,"

"But there's only 2 chops," he commented.

"I'm having cold ham," I replied and began plating up.

"Dinner's ready!" I called to Charlie and I heard him switch off the TV and walk in.

We ate in almost complete silence, save for the odd passing comments on the food or how the day went. Just as we were finishing, Jake put cleared his throat and had both Charlie and me looking at him attentively.

"Ummm, Charlie, I've asked Bella to move in with me," he managed to spit out. My face dropped in shock and I nearly chocked on my mouthful. What was he doing?

I could see that Charlie wanted to say more then he was about to, but after our argument the other day, he seemed to hold himslef back.

"Oh. Right. Ok then," Charlie's brain visibly ticked over as he tried to comprehend what was just said.

Not able to finish the last of my food, I stood, scraped my plate, dropped it in the sink and walked out the back door, dazed. We'd only just discussed the idea of it and he was already telling Charlie like it was happening tomorrow. Did Jake think I was moving in tomorrow? If he did he was mistaken.

I gulped down huge lung-fulls of air, fearing what Charlie would say. I knew I was an adult so he couldn't do much, but at the same time I still felt bad, leaving him like this. Or maybe I was looking for an excuse not to live with Jake. Maybe I wanted Charlie to refuse to let me so I wouldn't have to make the decision myself.

After a few minutes Jake walked out behind me.

"Bella? You ok?" he walked over and put a hand on my shoulder.

"Yeah, I'm fine," I sighed but I couldn't quite convince myself, much less him.

"I didn't mean to shock you with it. I'm sorry. I just thought it was as good a time as any to get it over and done with."

"It's ok honestly; you just took me off guard that's all. What does Charlie think?"

"He's fine with it. Surprised, but not against it. Well, he didn't say he was against it. I think he's happy you're getting on with your life and after the other day, has realised you can do what you chose to do. I told you he'd be fine," in the twilight I saw him smile.

"It just makes it so official and final when you start telling people its happening. I mean we only just discussed the idea this morning." I tried to smile to lighten my mood but failed.

"Well it is official."

We walked back in, neither saying anything. Jake began clearing up so I decided to leave him to it and walked up to my room. I felt his eyes follow me out to, and up, the stairs until he couldn't s me anymore. I flopped on the bed. I didn't bother with the light, just sat there, deep in thought. I didn't know how long it had been but there was a soft tapping at the door. It opened and Charlie peeped his head around. I had been expecting Jake.

"Can I come in?" he asked.

"Sure,"

"You ok?" He say down next to me looking uncomfortable and out of his depth.

"Yeah, thanks," I mumbled. I was nice he was trying to make an effort but at this moment in time, I really didn't apreciate it.

"Good. Well, the game will be back on," and he walked out, back downstairs.

I suddenly yawned involuntarily; I was more tired then I thought. I rose, stretching, and changed into some pyjamas. I curled up under the covers, not waiting for sleep but waiting for something, someone, else.

He tiptoed in just after I got comfortable, took off his shirt and shoes, and squeezed in next to me.

"I love you, Jake," I whispered.

"Night, Bella," was his reply; not exactly cold, but not comforting either.

Sleep engulfed me quickly and I didn't even dream.


	14. Chapter 14

**Im so sorry for not updating sooner, things have been absolute hell at the moment and i havn't had a second to myself. So, because i felt to bad, i've stayed up till 4 in the morning for you to have this chapter. i wrote it ages ago but i didn't want to post it until i had written what came after. I suck, i know. **

**Anyway, sorry again, and enjoy. Short but sweet.**

**R&R please**

**SM**

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I woke slowly the next morning, gently easing back into consciousness. I was curled up tightly, warm against the sleeping body next to me. I was facing away from him but his arms held me close. I was surprised that I didn't overheat, but just as I had grown accustomed to the coolness of Edward's marble skin, so I was adjusting to the intense heat of Jacob. I smiled hazily to myself, feeling his warm breath run down the back of my neck.

I was so happy. Even after my coldness towards him yesterday, Jacob was here, unfathomably loyal as ever. I stretched and twisted in his arms to face him. Unusually, the sun was beaming through the window. My smile widened; this was going to be a good day.

I began gently stroking his cheek. To say he was only mid teens, he had fine stubble that ran along his jaw line and chin that did make him look closer to 25. I ran my fingers along his lips and slowly pulled him from sleep. As he woke, a smile crept along his mouth from one corner to the other and his eyes opened, gazing straight into mine.

"Hi," I whispered.

"Hi," he croaked back.

"I'm sorry about yesterday. It's just all a bit too much to take in at once," I said sincerely.

"It's ok, I understand."

"Thanks-," I only just managed that before his warm, soft lips came over mine and kissed mine sweetly. When he finally pulled away I pushed myself against him, smiling, and breathed in his familiar scent.

His arms curled tightly around me and in my content, I nearly fell back to sleep. I didn't, but managed to doze and we ended up lying there for ages.

"What time is it?" I asked, refusing to open my eyes. I felt him shift.

"Just past 10," he sighed and began sitting up, pulling the covers off both of us.

"Noooo!" I whined like a little child, and grabbed at the covers, "I'm comfortable," I heard him chuckle.

"Come on, get up. It's a beautiful day outside and I'm not wasting it in bed," I turned over and looked at him,

"Even if it was with me?" I tried.

"Tempting but no. I'm hungry, plus the sun is out, lets make the most of it," he dressed quickly and lifted me off the bed, standing me in front of him in the middle of the room. He held me tightly to him and buried his lips in my neck, planting light kisses along my shoulder and neck. I grasped his head between my hands and brought his lips to mine. He lifted me up so I wrapped my legs around his waist and continued to kiss him, exploring his mouth with mine. No matter the guilt I felt at doing this, the slight embarrassment or the pain of his belt buckle digging in to my thigh, nothing could tear me away from him.

I was so enveloped by him that I didn't notice his skin gradually cooling until it was cold and hard like marble. Strong, freezing hands pressed firmly against my back and his lips turned to cold stone, but kept kissing. I moved my lips to his pale, cool neck to catch my breath and he whispered in my ear,

"Bella," the voice was sweet, seductive and alluring, full of love and longing. It was simply perfect, and the breath that flowed was sweet, almost floral. Like the final piece of a jigsaw slotting into place, I was home.

My whole body responded as I prepared myself for the moment he would push me away, like always; just as my Edward always did.

"Edward," I breathed, almost moaning it.

Immediately he went rigid under me. I was left simply sitting there, like held in the arms of a statue, but I wasn't pushed away like I had been expecting. I leant back to look at him, wondering what was different this time, and was hit with a sudden, intense burning from wherever I touched him. I looked into his eyes and was drowned with the realisation.

Jacob's eyes, full of hurt, confusion and anger, glazed over in front of me. He unlinked my legs and set me down roughly on the bed. He walked out of the room without a word or second glance. I heard his feet stomp down the stairs and I willed my legs to go after him; they wouldn't move.

"Jake!" I screamed, "Please, come back, Jake, I can explain," I heard the back door slam shut and the air was filled with a loud, painful howl. The sound tore through my heart just as he did from his clothes. I heard him growl and whine in agony before everything went silent; he had gone.


End file.
